Minneapolis, MN – In an interview appearing Thursday in The Minneapolis Star Tribune, Minneapolis Vikings back-up quarterback Gus Frerotte said that he has known for quite some time that his mental abilities were far less than that of an average person. Frerotte, who’s teammates have nicknamed him “Corky”, may be best remembered for slamming his [...]
Entries from May 2008
May 21, 2008
Ex-LB Ted Johnson says Bill Belichick has been hiding his car keys just to torment him
BOSTON , MA – Former New Englsnd Patriot linebacker Ted Johnson says that besides forcing him to sustain concussion after concussion, head coach Bill Belichick has been sneaking into his house in the middle of the night and hiding his car keys. And that this is being done only to confuse and torment the already confused and [...]
May 14, 2008
Tomlinson, Urlacher Highlight USC’s Latest Recruiting Class
From the ‘Bean’s archives
LOS ANGELES, CA – Wednesday was signing day for college football programs across the nation, and in what has become a yearly event, the University of Southern California brought the best haul as far as talent across the board. Two of the more notable signees for Pete Carroll’s latest gold rush were [...]
May 13, 2008
Stuart Scott says “boo-yah” one too many times; Found stabbed in back with shiv
NEW YORK, NY – ESPN’s anchor Stuart Scott lie unconscious in a Manhattan hospital one day after a co-worker found him lying face-down in the men’s room following a broadcast of Sportscenter. Fellow anchor John Anderson said he was shocked initially but not surprised by the prison-style shanking, because Scott had recently ruffled some feathers [...]
May 12, 2008
Buccaneers not as good as Madden 2007 would have you believe
From the Bean’s archives*
TAMPA, FL – When 19-year-old Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan Trey Whitten received Madden 2007 for his XBOX 360 in mid-September, the only thing he could think about was leading his team to the Super Bowl. With a seasoned gamer like Whitten behind the wireless controller, the Lombardi Trophy was only a dream [...]
May 9, 2008
Dickie V. wants to have T.O.’s baby
From the Bean’s archives*
DURHAM, NC — Two sophomores from Duke University said they overheard ESPN basketball analyst Dick Vitale tell fellow broadcaster Mike Patrick that he wanted to have Terrell Owens’ baby, during a Blue Devils game last week.
The Sigma Chi fraternity brothers, Michael Brayton and Trevor Roff, told thesportsbean.com that they have no doubt [...]
May 9, 2008
Fighting May Be Linked to Violence, Anger
Miami, FL — Following a lengthy study in the aftermath of the on-field “incident” involving football players from the University of Miami and Florida International University , school president Donna Shalala announced that, “Our study determined that there is a direct correlation between anger and violence, and violence and fighting. We must all accept responsibility, in [...]
May 8, 2008
John Daly determined to not let golf affect his drinking
SHELBY COUNTY, TN – John Daly says he is feeling great and doesn’t plan to let anything stand in his way of becoming the full-blown drunk he always believed he could be. Daly says he is more centered and focused than ever before, and feels he has a new lease on life with his renewed dedication [...]
May 8, 2008
Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer unhappy after being doused with bucket of urine
From the Bean’s archives*
BLACKSBURG, VA – Virginia Tech head coach Frank Beamer wasn’t pleased when players mistakenly grabbed the wrong bucket from the sideline, and dumped its contents over his head in jubilation, following last Saturday’s game.
“I wasn’t upset at first, but then I noticed how warm it was” said the agitated Beamer “I smelled [...]
May 7, 2008
NFL to ban tackling in effort To reduce injuries
NEW YORK – Wanting to cut down on the number of injuries suffered by its players each year, the National Football League plans on abolishing tackling by 2009. The NFL, which already has rules against horse collar tackles, helmet-to-helmet contact, spearing, tackling the quarterback below the knees, face-masking, leg-whipping, and making the throat-slashing gesture, believes [...]
May 2, 2008
WHO’S THE DORK NOW?
DALLAS, TX – (thesportsbean.com) Thirty minutes before the first pitch. Players are warming up and signing autographs. Standing outside the visitor’s dugout at the Ballpark in Arlington, Paul Jarvis, a 42-year-old computer programmer from Garland, Texas, wades among a sea of adolescents, seeking that oh-so prized signature.
Wearing a LeBron James jersey and looking as cool as a [...]
