IRVING, TX – On Monday, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens assembled reporters and various media members to chastise them on the coverage, or lack thereof, he has been getting.
“I shouldn’t have to do this” started the obviously irritated Owens. “It’s really kind of embarrassing that you all have put me in this position” said [...]
Entries Tagged as ‘NFL’
October 14, 2008
T.O. HOLDS PRESS CONFERENCE TO INFORM MEDIA THAT THEY ARE NOT PAYING ENOUGH ATTENTION TO HIM
October 2, 2008
AL DAVIS, RAIDERS SEARCHING FOR SUCCESSOR TO NEXT HEAD COACH
OAKLAND, CA — Speaking via telephone, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis said now that former head coach Lane Kiffin is gone, he can focus on and looks forward to firing his replacement.
“The next man we bring in is going to have to be able to follow orders and do as he is told; like a [...]
September 19, 2008
CDC close to declaring Romo-mania an epidemic
DALLAS, TX — In a statement released Tuesday, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) said the current outbreak of what doctors are calling “Romo-mania” is close to reaching epidemic proportions in the Dallas area. In the past few weeks, hospitals across the Dallas metroplex and north Texas have shown a 78 percent increase in [...]
September 16, 2008
Jimmy Johnson’s hair doesn’t Impress Terry Bradshaw
NEW YORK, NY – Fox television’s NFL analyst Terry Bradshaw admitted this week that his colleague’s obsession with his own well-manicured coif is becoming quite annoying. Former NFL head coach Jimmy Johnson’s perfectly placed head of hair was a staple during the early ‘90’s as he was winning games and Super Bowls with the Dallas [...]
July 28, 2008
Dallas cornerback’s “rainmaking” services requested in drought plagued Africa
Tunishu, Nigeria – The Tunishi Tribal council has solicited the help of Dallas Cowboy’s cornerback, Adam “PacMan” Jones to help solve the small tribe’s 20 year rain drought. The troubled cornerback (most recently in the news for incidents at a Las Vegas strip club which resulted in the death of a club bouncer and serious injury of another) is now in [...]
July 7, 2008
Rest of the pile: Top 10 worst sports movies ever
10. Tagline from the DVD box: His stripes made him an outcast. His heart made him a hero. They forgot “his movie works better than Ambien.
The box however does offer this warning… Starring: Frankie Muniz, David Spade, Steve Harvey, Snoop Dogg, Mandy Moore, Jeff Foxworthy, and Whoopi Goldberg
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9. Let’s be honest, this was about a [...]
July 3, 2008
Bean’s List: 11-20 worst sports movies ever. (Monday, top 10)
The premise of this movie is that the kid breaks his arm only to have it come back stronger and better than ever.
Maybe we should try breaking the DVD a few times.
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8 Seconds… That’s exactly how long this lasted in my DVD player before I hit the eject button.
Luke Perry finds out that working with [...]
May 27, 2008
Gus Frerotte admits to being mildly retarded
Minneapolis, MN – In an interview appearing Thursday in The Minneapolis Star Tribune, Minneapolis Vikings back-up quarterback Gus Frerotte said that he has known for quite some time that his mental abilities were far less than that of an average person. Frerotte, who’s teammates have nicknamed him “Corky”, may be best remembered for slamming his [...]
May 21, 2008
Ex-LB Ted Johnson says Bill Belichick has been hiding his car keys just to torment him
BOSTON , MA – Former New Englsnd Patriot linebacker Ted Johnson says that besides forcing him to sustain concussion after concussion, head coach Bill Belichick has been sneaking into his house in the middle of the night and hiding his car keys. And that this is being done only to confuse and torment the already confused and [...]
May 12, 2008
Buccaneers not as good as Madden 2007 would have you believe
From the Bean’s archives*
TAMPA, FL – When 19-year-old Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan Trey Whitten received Madden 2007 for his XBOX 360 in mid-September, the only thing he could think about was leading his team to the Super Bowl. With a seasoned gamer like Whitten behind the wireless controller, the Lombardi Trophy was only a dream [...]
May 7, 2008
NFL to ban tackling in effort To reduce injuries
NEW YORK – Wanting to cut down on the number of injuries suffered by its players each year, the National Football League plans on abolishing tackling by 2009. The NFL, which already has rules against horse collar tackles, helmet-to-helmet contact, spearing, tackling the quarterback below the knees, face-masking, leg-whipping, and making the throat-slashing gesture, believes [...]
