NEW YORK – Wanting to cut down on the number of injuries suffered by its players each year, the National Football League plans on abolishing tackling by 2009. The NFL, which already has rules against horse collar tackles, helmet-to-helmet contact, spearing, tackling the quarterback below the knees, face-masking, leg-whipping, and making the throat-slashing gesture, believes this is the safest and surest way to prevent injury.
“This is a real step forward for us” said new NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, “just a natural progression of things to come.”
The only thing left now to decide is if they want to go to flag football, or just two-hand touch.
“Football is such a violent sport, I’m sure the owners are all with me on implementing this new policy that will protect their investment, and most importantly, keep our young athletes out of harms way” said Goodell.
Political activist and feminist Gloria Steinem stated that she thinks the idea is revolutionary and hopes it won’t be long before we see female professional football players on the same field as the males.
“This is wonderful,” exclaimed Steinem “I can’t wait see women out there scoring home runs with the men”.
In addition to Steinem, moms everywhere are celebrating the announcement.