Daily Archives: May 8, 2008

John Daly determined to not let golf affect his drinking

Now mullet free, Daly has his life pretty much in order

SHELBY COUNTY, TN – John Daly says he is feeling great and doesn’t plan to let anything stand in his way of becoming the full-blown drunk he always believed he could be. Daly says he is more centered and focused than ever before, and feels he has a new lease on life with his renewed dedication to his alcoholism.

“I’m doing fantastic” slurred the oaf-like PGAer “I was on a 2 or 3 week coke-addled bender a couple Accepting that he loves to smoke is the third step in Daly\'s three step programmonths ago… though I’m not quite sure how long it really was because I kept blacking out all the time”.

Daly says he has been spending the majority of his time at bars and strip clubs and staying away from the one place he can get into the most trouble – the golf course. 

“I’ll be driving home around 7 or 8 in the morning when I’ll pass the golf course…its really tempting” Daly said, managing to never remove the cigarette from between his lips, “but thankgoodnessfully I’ve had the strength to keep things in perspective”.

But the road to perdition hasn’t been totally bump-free. Just 3 days ago a greens keeper at an area country club found Daly’s Cadillac idling in the middle of the fairway of the 9th hole with an unconscious Long John lying face down in the tee box with a putter in his hand.

“I’ve had a few moments of weakness, but thankfully I have a great group of supportive friends up at Baby Dolls (gentlemen’s club) that I can lean on in those tough times”.  —Back to the Bean


Filed under Golf, Sports

Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer unhappy after being doused with bucket of urine

From the Bean’s archives*

BLACKSBURG, VA – Virginia Tech head coach Frank Beamer wasn’t pleased when players mistakenly grabbed the wrong bucket from the sideline, and dumped its contents over his head in jubilation, following last Saturday’s game.

“I wasn’t upset at first, but then I noticed how warm it was” said the agitated Beamer “I smelled my Beamer, after a VT victoryshirt, then I figured out what had happened”.

As with all Virginia Tech games, the team keeps an empty Gatorade bucket on the sideline for players and personnel to urinate into during the course of the game. But this was the first time this type of accident has occurred.

“It’s not uncommon for players to get a drink out of the wrong bucket, but this is the first time anyone has dumped it over coach Beamer’s head” stated equipment manager Donny Ray Johnston, “maybe I should start putting labels on them.”

Having the bucket of urine dumped over the coach has never really been an issue for the Hokies, given the school’s football tradition, but after Saturday’s incident, things may have to change. —thesportsbean.com

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Filed under College Football