Fighting May Be Linked to Violence, Anger

Miami, FL — Following a lengthy study in the aftermath of the on-field “incident” involving football players from the University of Miami and Florida International University , school president Donna Shalala announced that, “Our study determined that there is a direct correlation between anger and violence, and violence and fighting. We must all accept responsibility, in that our desire to win has unduly influenced these young men to become violent while participating in athletics and we are today announcing steps to decrease the level of violence our student-athletes must exhibit.”
 
Some of the influences Shalala cited were the bold uniform colors (orange and green) which will be altered to the softer shades of Salmon and Sea-Foam Green, the “militaristic” school fight song that has been changed, the new fight song is a spirited version of “We Are the World”, and fiery pre-game speeches. “We have long passed the time when Knute Rockne speeches should be acceptable,” Shalala stated, “we must come to understand that to brain-wash these impressionable children to commit acts of violence against their fellow man is repugnant.”    
 
These new initiatives are also having an input in the current search for a new football coach.  The Sportsbean has learned that the university has hired Rainbow/PUSH Sports Partnership, L.P. to aid in the search. Some of the names under consideration include Gerry Faust, Bill Curry, Gary Gibbs, and Harry Belafonte.

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