Ex-LB Ted Johnson says Bill Belichick has been hiding his car keys just to torment him

BOSTON , MA – Former New Englsnd Patriot linebacker Ted Johnson says that besides   forcing him to sustain concussion after concussion, head coach Bill Belichick has been sneaking into his house in the middle of the night and hiding his car keys.  And that this is being done only to confuse and torment the already confused and tormented ex-All Pro.

“The other morning I couldn’t find my keys anywhere!  Then my wife Sherry…or Susie… whatever her name is, says that my car is in the driveway idling and that I’m going to be late for therapy” stated the emotional Johnson, “I know he(Belichick) was behind it”.

Johnson says that in addition to the concussions and disappearing car keys, he also blames Belichick for his crystal meth habit, his having to repeat the 8th grade, twice, at least 7 of his 9 cavities, making him count the rasins in his cereal, and for breaking Eight Bells’s ankles during the Kentucky Derby which in turn caused Johnson to lose upwards of about $14,000.

“I woke up on the bathroom floor the other day with a bottle of Xanax in my hand, except all the Xanax was gone” said Johnson, on the brink of tears, “what kind of man sneaks into someone’s house and steals their Xanax while they’re sleeping?  He’s a monster!”

Near the end of our interview, Johnson locked himself in the bathroom and began sobbing for 45 minutes before coming out in his underwear, saying that his clothes had been contaminated with Anthrax and that he was unable to locate his car keys.

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3 Comments

Filed under NFL, Sports

3 responses to “Ex-LB Ted Johnson says Bill Belichick has been hiding his car keys just to torment him

  1. Elyse

    This is absolute crap! Ted never repeated 8th grade, he is not married and these stories are fabrications. The author of this story was written by a mean spirited, spiteful person. I know these things because he is my brother. How sad it is that someone, the author, would be so disrespectful to Ted. That he/she would lash out to someone who loved Boston, The Patriots and his friends/family. Ted has struggles. He deserves privacy in order to work through his challanges.

  2. Elyse

    Any comments can be sent directly to me at eaf115@yahoo.com

  3. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Path

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