Boca Raton, FL — Citing better food and less hastle in airports, Los Angeles Laker legend, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has seen the light a second time. In an exclusive interview with TheSportsbean.com, Jabbar (or “Goldie” as his friends call him) has made another life decision. He has put down the Koran and picked up a yarmulke with his new pursuit of Judaism. “I just wish I had done this before now, said a finally content Goldstein. “It stinks that my college career stats, my NBA stats and my homeowners association’s shuffleboard stats will all be under different names.”
Goldstein last changed his name after the 1971 NBA season to Jabbar from his previous Lew Alcindor claiming that his new name more closely identifies him with his new adherence to Islam. Goldstein’s new faith caused his latest change.
“I thought about converting to homosexuality like a lot of people in LA did in the 1980’s but then I started reading about what they have to do and thought, ‘good lord!’ that’s really selling out for your religion! I mean that’s really going all in. Mostly, I’m just glad to get to eat bacon again.” said Glodstein. When reminded that Jews don’t eat pork, an exasperated Goldstein threw his hands in the air and proclaimed; “Damn it! That’s was like half the reason I did it!”
The former Alcindor, who was raised Roman Catholic, feels confident that this will be his final conversion because quite simply, he is running out of religions.