Kareem Abdul-Jabbar converts to Judaism, changes name to Stanley Goldstein

Boca Raton, FL — Citing better food and less hastle in airports, Los Angeles Laker legend, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has seen the light a second time.  In an exclusive interview with TheSportsbean.com, Jabbar (or “Goldie” as his friends call him) has made another life decision.  He has put down the Koran and picked up a yarmulke with his new pursuit of Judaism.  “I just wish I had done this before now, said a finally content Goldstein.  “It stinks that my college career stats, my NBA stats and my homeowners association’s shuffleboard stats will all be under different names.”

Goldstein in 2008
Goldstein in July 2008

Goldstein last changed his name after the 1971 NBA season to Jabbar from his previous Lew Alcindor claiming that his new name more closely identifies him with his new adherence to Islam.  Goldstein’s new faith caused his latest change. 

“I thought about converting to homosexuality like a lot of people in LA did in the 1980’s but then I started reading about what they have to do and thought, ‘good lord!’ that’s really selling out for your religion!  I mean that’s really going all in.  Mostly, I’m just glad to get to eat bacon again.” said Glodstein.  When reminded that Jews don’t eat pork, an exasperated Goldstein threw his hands in the air and proclaimed; “Damn it! That’s was like half the reason I did it!”

The former Alcindor, who was raised Roman Catholic, feels confident that this will be his final conversion because quite simply, he is running out of religions.

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14 Comments

Filed under College Basketball, College Sports, Humor, Movies, NBA, NCAA, Sports

14 responses to “Kareem Abdul-Jabbar converts to Judaism, changes name to Stanley Goldstein

  1. Jack Wilson

    So isn’t Kareem now a Christian, Muslim and Jew? Karl Malone has nothing on him.

  2. Not so fast, Clint. Before starting his own church, Malone was a Branch Davidian, Bahai, Mandaeanist, Buddhist, and Girl Scout. As he pointed out in his autobiography, I Think We’re Malone Now, he talked about how has prayed to Elvis, SpongeBob, and “The Dairy Queen” before big games.

  3. theroaringdragon

    Actually, Malone and Kareem have joined and been sprinkled into my religion…Assemblies of Druid (Reformed). We worship trees (and shrubs since we’re reformed), but do it charismatically.

  4. Preposterous. We’re talking about Karl Malone praying to SpongeBob then you come along and make this thing ridiculous.

  5. theroaringdragon

    Sponge Bobism is not a real religion, its a cult. Everyone knows that Square Pants has multiple crustacians.

  6. Ick

    I hope Goldstein is happy with his newly converted religion. With any luck, the things he is used to being able to do such as pick up hookers on the strip, punch small babies in the face, and smoke crack will still be allowed in his new religion. Hats off to the interviewer from the bean that pointed out he can not have bacon.

    We wouldn’t want him not being accepted into heaven on a technicality!

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  8. FishOnA Bike

    He considered going homosexual???He is homosexual…that’s why he trolls the strip. Sadly he refuses to come out..he will lose that gloomy look of his once he does..just another sad little catholic boy..he should sue the church and be done with it. very sad man. Uses call girl services and is in many a little black book.

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  10. Stanley J Goldstein

    Is this article for real? If so, I guess I have a new relative in my family.
    Stanley Goldstein
    Hillsdale, NJ

    P.S. Some Jews eat pork . He can too if he wants to.

  11. ROBERT GOLDSTEIN

    I HAVE ONE BROTHER NAME STANLEY GOLDSTEIN AND NOW THERE IS A CLONE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. HOW LUCKY CAN ONE PERSON BE??

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  13. marvin

    Imagine, another STanley Goldstein, like the founder of CVS

    How lucky can he be.

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