Category Archives: College Sports

Rest of the pile: Top 10 worst sports movies ever

 

10. Tagline from the DVD box: His stripes made him an outcast. His heart made him a hero. They forgot “his movie works better than Ambien. 

The box however does offer this warning… Starring: Frankie Muniz, David Spade, Steve Harvey, Snoop Dogg, Mandy Moore, Jeff Foxworthy, and Whoopi Goldberg

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9. Let’s be honest, this was about a guy in the mid west who hallucinated an entire baseball game and people thought it was romantic. If he had hallucinated anything else, he’d have been arrested.

 

 

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8. Again, the producers try to warn you with the cover art. _______________________________________________________________________________

7. Just look at this poster. Let this soak in. Did Bugs Bunny really need the money this badly? Here’s your tagline, Half cartoon, half live action, all crap. These were Spacejammed into Wal Mart’s $1.99 bin with more authority than 23 ever dunked a basketball. 

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6.  Inside a studio executive’s head in 1982: Kenny Rogers, sports movie. Kenny Rogers, sports movie. Kenny Rogers, sports movie… How come this hasn’t happened yet?

Ignored child labor laws and a creepy bearded dude that hangs around kids are not enough to save this movie. 

 

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5. Even Tide fans left this movie rooting for Auburn.

 

 

 

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4.  High School Musical (w/out the music) meets Cheetah Girls, meets crappy WB sitcom.

Actual tagline: Everybody has a secret… Duke wants Olivia who likes Sebastian who is really Viola whose brother is dating Monique so she hates Olivia who’s with Duke to make Sebastian jealous who is really Viola who’s crushing on Duke who thinks she’s a guy… This movie just makes the Bean angry!

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3.  Bean reader “Cody” suggested this one. Bean reader “Cody” was really just shooting fish in a barrel with this one.  This is really just piling on. 2 1/2 words… Lil’ Bow Wow.
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2. The Bean is still unclear why Hollywood hates monkeys so much. Here’s another example… Making one “act” with Matt LeBlanc. “You’re there to support the chimp. Just remember that, Joey.”

 

 

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1.  ANY movie that makes “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot” (with Estell Getty) not the worst Stallone movie deserves a place on this list.  Remember, Stallone made: Cobra, Judge Dread, Oscar, 

Best part of this movie?  Sammy Hagar’s song on the soundtrack. No, make that the closing credits. Let the Bean walk you through this movie’s premise.

Truck driver, Lincoln Hawk gets his kid from a military academy because his mother is dying. Not Stallone’s, his kid’s. Anyway… What turns into long story/longer… It’s the feel good arm wrestling movie of the year. 

 

 

 

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Filed under College Football, College Sports, Movies, NCAA, NFL, Racing, Sports

UT Crew Team Faces 1 Year Ban For Non-Conforming Watercraft

Bill Dance to pull ads off of boat

Knoxville Tn –  The University of Tennessee’s newly formed crew and rowing team has come under fire from the NCAA sanctions committee for allegedly entering a “non-conforming” water vessel in its most recent meet against Rice University. The boat titled “Corn Squeezins I” was met with a mix of shock and uncertainty by those in attendance and came under immediate protest by the Rice team. ” There was no way we were going to row against that monstrosity” said William Needham III, captain of the Rice squad. Most egregious of the cited violations was the 60 hp Briggs and Stratton outboard motor the Volunteers had rigged on the back which they had initially tried to conceal with a rain poncho. Inspectors also added a depth finder, live well, pop-up duck blind and other sport fishing equipment to the list of irregularities

While acceptable specifications may vary depending on which club is sanctioning the meet. It is universally agreed that most boats (referred to as shells) cannot exceed 1/8 to 1/4 thickness and should make use of no apparatus other than its occupants and their sculls (oars) to aid in moving the boat. “We like to allow for some design flexibility in the boats from time to time”, said Blaine Worthing, assoc. chair of the Collegiate Crew Assoc, the governing body of division I competitive rowing, “it allows the students to incorporate some ingenuity into the sport and adds to its beauty and complexity but the Tennessee crew team took a few too many liberties in this case”, he concluded.

“I think them boys was jes plain yella… truth be told” commented Lee Suggs, 8th year senior and captain of the Tennessee Team.” We no sooner pulled her off the flatbed and dropped er in then thay come a runnin and lookin around and acting all smarmy like….so we was like brang it on you yankee SOB’s…go git yer own motor and we gonna blow yalls doors off….these colors don’t run….”

Competitive rowing, while offered at the collegiate level since 1815, has been slow to catch on in the southeastern state schools where football and basketball are clearly the preferred spectator and participant sports in that region. “We definitely want to branch out to some of the lesser known but equally as important sports programs here at UT” said UT athletic Director Mike Hamilton,” we considered gymnastics and fencing but it was deemed to “wussified” by the majority of our invested alumni. Rowing just seemed like the most logical next best thing. After all most of these boys have been around the water most of their lives, whether it be rock skippin’, frog giggin’, rowin’, or just plain old wadin’ ……Git er dunnn!” Hamilton concluded.

In his follow up report to the NCAA, Worthing admitted that while the motor was the only piece of equipment that could reasonably give the UT team a decided advantage, the fishing equipment, igloo coolers, and diving board would have to be removed before they would be allowed to compete again.

 

 

 

 

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