DALLAS TX – Making his announcement via a friend’s cameraphone, Dallas Mavericks star Josh Howard said Wednesday that he would not be interested in playing for Team USA basketball in the 2012 Olympics should a position become available.
Howard told his friend’s cameraphone, “I am grateful to this country and NBA for affording me the opportunity and lifestyle I currently enjoy. But it is not in my best interest at this time to pursue position with Team USA.”
- Ugás in the ring during the 2008 Olympics
Cuban boxer, Youdenis Ugas’ plan to defect from Cuba hit a snag on Monday as he learned that he had defected to a country with a similar communist government to his native Cuba.
After years of training in the boxing ring as a way out of Cuba, Ugas has now found himself making SpongeBob dolls for K-Mart in the central China city of Chongqing as a government worker.
“This thing, it is a terrible thing”; replied Ugas from his work encampment. “I train my whole life for this and now, I make the SpongeBob thing. What is this SpongeBob? It wears a tie but is a sponge? I can’t believe this! What kind of *** damn deal I have now?”
In a letter to the Spanish language newspaper, Juventud Rebelde (Havana), Ugas wrote that he had heard from Castro’s radio speeches as a kid that China was a great place and that they had a great government but after two weeks without tortillas, and with 16 hour work days, he’s rethought this and is ready to get home to his south Cuba hut.
An unnamed Cuban Olympian tells ESPN Deportes that; “Youdenis was excited about getting out. He said that it was his big chance… it was all very exciting. He’s no idiot though. He said if China isn’t the paradise Castro said it was, North Korea was just over a fence. He’ll be fine.
London, ON – Bob and Kyle McInnis are scrambling to find answers. From anyone. The London, Ontario brothers were among the dozens of recipients this week of emails informing them that their fantasy curling league will not be picked up again this year on Yahoo Sports.
“I don’t understand this”, stated a distraught Kyle McInnis. “I’ve already taken the money, had shirts made, and planned our draft at The Trax Bar.”
An un-named spokesman at Yahoo Sports issued the following to theSportsbean: “I honestly didn’t even know curling was a real sport. I thought that was the name of the fat guy from the Three Stooges. We ran an audit this spring and found out that there was a fantasy curling league. None of us could believe it! I asked around and nobody admitted to approving this. I’m pretty sure it was Mike. He says “aboot” and wears a Maple Leafs jersey on Fridays.
“This is just great, added an equally annoyed Bob. I had the first pick this year and got the third pick from Leonard because I let that slob use my fishing shanty last year. I’m pretty pissed.”