IRVING, TX – On Monday, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens assembled reporters and various media members to chastise them on the coverage, or lack thereof, he has been getting.
“I shouldn’t have to do this” started the obviously irritated Owens. “It’s really kind of embarrassing that you all have put me in this position” said the 6-time All-Pro.
“I shouldn’t have to do shirtless sit-ups in my driveway or stage a fake suicide attempt anymore…I mean, for real, my fake suicide attempt was way better than Vince Young’s, but has anyone mentioned that?”
Owens continued on with a 9-minute diatribe that went something like this: “Blah, blah, blah…me, me, me…blah, blah…look at me, look at me”.
He also condemned the media over the amount of exposure that new teammate Adam ‘Pac-Man’ Jones is receiving, saying that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones “promised” that Pac-Man wouldn’t take any publicity away from Owens. “He promised!” pouted Owens with his arms folded and bottom lip stuck out.
Before stomping away Owens said that if this downturn in public attention continued that he would be forced to fire his press secretary and that it would be all our fault and he also muttered something about changing his name to Terrell Ocho Uno.