DALLAS, TX — In a statement released Tuesday, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) said the current outbreak of what doctors are calling “Romo-mania” is close to reaching epidemic proportions in the Dallas area. In the past few weeks, hospitals across the Dallas metroplex and north Texas have shown a 78 percent increase in emergency room visits from patients showing signs and symptoms of the new malady.
“Romo-mania is a particularly unusual mental and emotional illness that may or may not have psychosomatic affects on its victims,” stated CDC spokesman Dr. Arman Pantuso, “people under its control often aren’t thinking clearly and talk of fantasy-like beliefs. The victim’s speech is also affected; they speak slowly and with an intolerable twang, they may also feel compelled to consume inordinate amounts of Shiner Bock beer and wear anything with a big blue star on it.”
Dr. Elizabeth Hernandez, director of emergency medicine at Baylor Medical Center in north Dallas, has reported that many patients have experienced a condition not dissimilar to that of Turret’s Syndrome.
“Several victims have been uncontrollably and unconsciously blurting out things” Dr. Hernandez said “HOW ‘BOUT THEM COWBOYS!” and “SUPER BOWL, BABY!” seem to be some of the more common phrases being uttered”.
Currently the CDC is taking steps to be sure the outbreak is contained and wants area denizens to not be alarmed. They also recommend that those in the north Texas area try to abstain from eating red meat and watching Dallas Cowboy football games for the next couple of months.